in order to be muslim one thing is is to get married

As Salaamu Alaikym All

Yes I have learned thiat with our messed up ummah one thing that sticks out is Marriage... I almost feel like Islam is only for the married ones.

Because if you're not married then you're looked at as the problem. and what do singletons do- go out and look, look, hunt for the spouse just so they too can be complete to jion the muslim society the believe without marriage you're not  fully muslim.

I cam to this theory because  sometime ago I posted about a match maker... and how I confided in one... well actaully two... time has passed and I haven't heard anything... I written one just to get an update...well they haven't found a match yet.... and the other one... God only knows what happened there...

And it made me think "What if I never get married.... why do i have the feel that I MUST get married.. what if Allah is telling me in so many ways that he doesn't want me married... am I then going against his wishes in searching for a partner?"

Then I thought about it... everytime I talk to my muslim sisters - they mention thier husband said this or he said that. They share  stories of their walima and nikah... and all I do is just smile and comment on how pretty they looked on that day....

and in the end I feel at a lost.... Oh how they love asking me "So when are YOU gonna get married... you're getting older"

and I just smile and either I say I don't know- or Allahu allim ... then they want to pray for me.

Like being single is an illness...

 It makes me wonder- to be muslim do you have to be married... or to be apart of the community one has to be married...

I think about Rabi'a Adawiyah (sp) the Sufi saint... she never married nor had any children but she practise Islam  and Loved Allah very much....

I admire her... what was her secret? I wonder... then it came to me seclusion... it X'ed out this world and focus on Salat and doing things to please Allah. It came to a point that men would propose and she would ask them what can you give me that Allah (SWT) can not?

I wish I was that strong.

Being honest Muslim men today are not appealing anymore... some are WORST then the non-muslim men.

which is sad.

Ok rule of thumb if your a single brother lookign for marriage- Don't ask a sister about her sexual prefences, don't ask about her being a virgin or not.... don't ask to see her without her hijab on. Do ask unmannerly questions....

one bother said told me I ask a sister about everything.... but that even before his intnetion is to see if she matches him.

Oh and don't tell her about your fantasies or oral whatevers...  

All and all its gross- would you ask a non muslimah these questions? NO so why ask a muslimah?

It's degrading and show that you're not really into know her but you just want to get some kind of rise out of talking to her.

I know some muslim brother wants a Beyonce of a wife... that's HARAAM- first you shouldn't be looking at Beyonce dressing half naked... or any Khufar woman for that matter...

I know some that drinks like  a fish  and does all kind of drugs...

 I've been told about some that wants to "Play" before the get married. and some whose not a virgin only wants to marry a virgin... Now the Quran states 'Virgin men for virgin women.... "

Or the doulbe life muslim ne.. pray 5 times a day and abuse, yell or fight with his wife just am much... Go on Hajj and come back still acting up. Still wanna be the "Playa" having mad girlfriend... who eventually converst  and now He's A- OK ( so he thinks) because she became muslim to be with him... but does he not forget that since he was already muslim HE will be held accountable for the Zina action he committed with her? Just because she converts or reverts doesn't protect you from the punishment. She's safe... the man isn't.

A man isn't Pious because he prays  5 times  a day... nor his he Pious because he hit on all the 5 pillars- Those are our duties... they are what muslim are orderd to do. So there's nothing Pious about doing what you're ordered  to do...

 Being Pious is how a muslim caring themselves life... Going the extra mile to please Allah just for the sake of pleaseing the Almighty.  A Pious man wouldn't raise his hand nor his voice to his fmaily or friends... a Pious woman wouldn't engage in gossip... or belittle anyone... that goes for both sex...a Pious being is believing in Allah.... a Pious person is a Mumin...

Have we ignored that?

Well anywho- these things that so called Muslim men do- have really turned me away from them.... I almost want to Puke....

And thne I think about Prophet Muhammad (SAW)- and I get goose bumps thinkg about how much of an AWESOME HUSBAND He was to all of his wives.  and Allah know's if he was here at this present time- Alot of Muslimah would want ot marry him... he was the be BEST HUSBAND...

 I don't know if muslim men today could even match him let alone try to walk in his footsteps.

Some like to say " I am or I am trying"

but are you really...  selling or buy pirate DVD/CD's... Living on welfare with 2 wives... Being jobless but ooking for a mate to cling onto...

All of these things make me think if it's even worth it... I don't know what it's like to be married and I still believe pure marriage does exist.

But to be muslim does that mean you have to get married.

I might just go in seclusion and live like a nun... But it would be like a NUN - not by choice but by fate... or by Allah's will...

After this match maker thing dissolves - so will my quest in finding a spouse. The unmarriageble (sp)- I bet theres a tribe of us out there. we just haven't faced facts that were amongst those who Allah has other plans- who knows maybe if we're good our partner would be in Jennah and not one this earth.. 

Sometime I feel like I'm losing my religon... and somestimes I feel that - there has to be another name for those that believe in one god and Muhammad (SAW) is the last Messenger.

At times I just want to dis-associate myself with the muslim world/ the ummah because I see things are going backwards...