IDDAH MUSLIM HATRED TIMES?
I was brought in to counsel a couple experiencing marriage problems, recently married and thought that other Muslims should hear this story or at least part of it, who might benefit. It is for that reason and that reason alone that we make it available here, without names of identifying factors. We are told that these situations are not so uncommon. We would love to hear your comment. The following is released with permission of the parties involved and hopefully will "Help" others who have similar experiences to "see" what those experiencing it cannot, will not or refuse to see. We ask you prayers for the couple and for all Muslims seeking the right. This is from the husband's point of view. Amin.
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We married a couple months ago in an Islamic ceremony in a proper manner, but even before the ceremony there were problems and had Islam allowed I would have lived with her before the ceremony to get to know her to determine if it might work, but since such a thing is haram we would have to be married and could not ‘shack up.’ which is what she wanted to do and indeed were told by other Muslims she knew that she could in fact stay with me in my home for at least 90 days before deciding to marry. When I told her that she was wrong and that Muslims, male and female, who are lawful to one another for marriage should not even be alone together or satan is the third party, she said that my Islam is flawed “You do not know anything about Islam” and other Muslims say differently from what I say. The nikah took place a few days later.
She said that one Muslim brother whom she knew since she was a little girl told her that if she married me, he would never in life speak to her again.
Of course I told her that it was un-islamic for her to be talking with him in this way and for him to be talking to her in this way but she insisted that he was her ‘friend’ and I was not going to stop her from talking to him and that his Islam was sound and I knew nothing about Islam.
She get up and go to the bathroom, walking by me without speaking and look or stare at me with open disdain, as if she see something dirty, unclean or vile. She is my wife. I am her husband, by the law of Islam.
I try to keep it islamic by telling her that such manners is not Islamic, without making the situation worse, or causing her to feel that I am using Islam to beat her down. What I get back is to profane to mention here verbatim.
It is like being in the house with a sworn enemy who have told you that you are the enemy, who you cannot get away from. She place her phone on vibration and she do not talk on it in front of me but speak on it in whispers from the back bedroom, after she close the door and turn on the radio or television to muffle her voice and make it inaudible or her words unheard, as if she is planning a secret rendezvous or tryst. I do not seek to listen to her conversation because I know that we are told to avoid suspicion for sometime suspicion is sin.The other day she called while I was out to ask, “Is there something attached to the phone?” She claimed she heard an unusual sound coming from the telephone, but I suspect she was talking to someone perhaps in a manner in which they suggested that she could check her phone to see if there was any recording devices attached.
She sleep in the separate back bedroom and keep the door closed from me or if I am outside the household and come into the house she close that bedroom door in my face before I can see into it and turn the light out and does not speak unless to ask for something, ‘do you have any money for me,’ and do not return the greetings if I say to her, “as salaam ‘alaikum!”
When she need or want something she come out of the room and demand that she is hungry and want to be taken to the restaurant or taken our to get something to eat,
and doing the ride to the store or restaurant, I am driving and she sit there, body language screaming, back turned to me, facing out the passenger window and do not speak, looking angry or if insulted — why do she act this way????? She demanded that she be divorced and while I hate divorce and know that Allah, azza wa jal, hate divorce and the angels hate divorce and the prophet hate divorce, I declared the divorce, because she demanded it but have told her that this is not what I want!
