Where do I stand... My culture... my life

Salaama All

Ok forthe longest time my sister and I never really knew where we stand...

My mom is West Indian and my Dad is African-American ( But his mother was mixed- I mean close mix... my dad looks Arab).

So I always wonder where does that leave me....

To the average white person they see Brown skin and autimatically I'm Black.. no difference... So I grew up mentally thinking- I'm black..just another nicca. Fill out the paper Black White Asian... check off black.

My Aunt would tell me- No you're not African-American but West Indian and African-Ameircan...

When she told me that... I had a hard time trying to figure what to check... so I would leave it blank... at the time there wasn't "Mixed"

Now there is I check off both Black and Mixed... LOL

When I was younger- Blacks/African American  chicks even a F-ing Coolie chick  (yes I said it... and I don't care) wouldn't accept me... it was either I wasn't Black enough or I wasn't Trini enough.

Crazy- kids are mean...

The Kicker is when foreigners see me... it becomes a Trivia...
What am I?

She's not Black aka African -American

She's not Indian  - kinky hair and all

So what the heck is she? 

Never once would they put the two together...

I've been call some kind of African,somolian, nubian, egyptian even called a Dark Indian.

One guys mom saw my picture and told him "She cold pass for a Madras..."

He told me- I'm like yeah- My Grandmother was a dougla (Half Indian half African- it's Trinidad -mix and mingle)

I always ask people- How do you come up with that?

Answer- Becuase my features are not that of the average black girl...

What the heck is an average black girl?

SO here goes my family blood line

My little Sister and I are- Trini and African American

My Grandmother on my mother said was half Indian and half African- Mama had beautiful hair that she wore in two braids... All my aunts have that wave type of hair thick and dark...My mom got the African genes...The Genes from my grandmother stemmed out to my sister and I.

My Grandmother on my father side was Half Native American and Half Black- My fathers dad- I believe was black... we don't know... but his features are not that afro-centric... So again my sister and I are mixed up with that same gene pool.

Blasian- Yes there are blasian in my family... My half sisters grandparents  I believe are or were( don't know if they alive or dead) is Chinese and black.

Afro-asian features run in my older  bother sisters... They all have the slanted eyes... high cheek bone... Even my niece and nephews not all but some carry on the gene...

I have one niece- she love asian culture- she looks trini but doesn't have the blasian features... Like my mom- I bet when she have children it will pop out in them..

But agian  that's TRINIDAD...

I can honestly tell you that I don't know much about my Africa- American side of the family... I know about African American History... but that side of my family... NADA...

My mom kept my sister and I intuned to west indian culture and life style even the level of respect amongst my older brothers and sister... My little sister and I are close in age- we have respect for each other but she's like my Best friend- True sister so we fight...not alot... lol....

One of main thing my mom taught us- her children- Is FAMILY is KEY...

She used to say- Why do I need a bunch of friends I have my children...LOL

And even now we- her off springs say the samething... if it was a split of hang with my sister/ family or go out with my friend... I would rather hang with my family.  Why do we need a Band of friends when we have a loving family...  We don't do the meet for the holiday thing... we meet up throughout the year. We'll head to the mall.. start fake fights ( just to get a rise out of people around us- we're nutty like that)- We'd laugh till tears come out because we're crazy... It's bloody Awesome...

Please don't let my cuz'en come up... or my Aunts... all hell break loose...

When my mom past- and the family went back home for the service it was nice... It was nice to see this side of my family... I wish I could see my dad side... but he has his reasons...

My culture- This is a beautiful thing... Because Islam is my culture... my faith... It's not a "religion" as many like to see it... Nor is it some Dream fasination as many people convert and live to believe... it's a culture of its own... So with that... My ethnic background does rule me... I don't have to fill out some damn form... Black white Asian hispanic or other... it's simply Muslim or non...LOL

My parents both of a multi-racial background choose a faith that did away with race... MashAllah and because of that... I'm happy were I am.. Being a Curry cheese burger.

My friends- they all represent some part of me... The Latin Crew to the Malaysian nation...

The Latin Crew- totally high school buds... and it amazed people that after so many years we're still around... LOL Our high school was small... It was more like a family affair. We still go out... have dinner with each other and email buddies... sometimes it can be much and I'll jsut ask my sister later on 'So what was the emails about today...lol"

Malaysain Nation- New them since I was a child... Aunty cracks me up... We all muslim so we can crack jokes about being muslim... They're my extended family... I can't wait to go...

 My two Best Friends- One non-muslim and the other is Muslim... When I'm with them... Its awesome because they truly accept me as I am and they too represent some part of me...

  Non-muslim frined we're close that we call each other cuz'ens- She's the wild side of me- both of us was outcast somewhat in High school and we both liked the samething...even had the same kissing instuctor- Mad props to him...LOL.... In high school no one understood our relationship and we used to fawk around with peeps heads... LOL... my father always thought it was a dude calling me- when ever she called...LO lit was funny.... Noqw 10+ years later the relationship hasn't changed... She see my little sister as her lil sis... and even if I'm in the wrong... she will still have my back in a fight... and maybe kick my ass later...but I would then deserve it because i was wrong...LOL

Muslim Friend- Allah sent her... and I am forever greatful. Samething...we're both nutty with an addition to love for our deen... We don't care to much for the people... but Islam in it pure form is beautiful.. close to hippy... LOL

We both love FOOD!!! SHOPPING and talking about Life, media and our faith... Her boys are darling - much like sour patch kids... if you even seen the commercial you know what I'm talking about... Even her dog gets amped to see me...LOL

We're soclose that we call each other wife... LOL and always threaten to divorce each other... which in truth we always say " Please- you got me for life...lol"

Both if them are some strong women and both know I will always have thier back... Yes she too would get into a brawl for me and kick my ass later if I'm in the wrong... LOL

We have our debates and fights... but in the end- our friendship is worth more...so squashing an arguement is KEY.

Where do I stand- in the middle...